Waiting for time to pass!

Today I stood there in a hospital room and watched my husband's aunt pass away.  She was only 52 years old and her name was Alice.  She had been on life support for 5 weeks in the ICU and was continuing to deteriorate.  Her kidney's had shut down and really the only thing keeping her alive was the ventilator.  What a decision to have to make though.  To decide to shut down the machine.  As we all gathered to pray over her I felt a great sense of peace come over the room.  Then came time to turn the breathing machine off.  Honestly, it was really difficult.  At that moment, I didn't feel any peace.  But then as the time went on and they gave her pain medication to make her more comfortable, she did relax and her breathing just continued to slow down.  We all stood there watching the heart monitor and the pulse oxymeter.  We watched as the numbers continued to get lower and lower.  I will never forget this day as long as I live.

I'm sorry if this post seems morbid to you, but I really can't even begin to describe what that was like.  What I do know is that she is now healed and with Jesus.  That is what I find comfort in.  I hope that I don't ever have to make that decision.  The decision of when to end another person's life.  I mean...we ultimately don't make that decision.  It was surely up to the Lord if He was going to allow Alice to continue to live or allow her to come home.  Actually, she had suffered on earth long enough and she is now dancing in Heaven I'm sure.  She was deaf here on earth and now she can hear.  The sound of Jesus' voice was probably the first sound she's ever heard.  We were joyous about that. 

What this has also done is to make me think about getting a living will in place.  Although I must say that I do want to have a chance to recover if I'm young.  I do want a chance to see my girls grow up and get married and have children.  I want to be there for them.  So, I can't say that right now I would want to have a DNR.  But I also want my family to feel at peace about letting me go if it's God's will.  I also know that I want to be an organ donor.  These things make you think. 

It also makes my heart ache to know that my friend has had to leave the hospital without 2 of her children.  She held them in her arms as they slipped away and went to heaven.  She was on my mind today as we walked out of there, leaving Alice in the hands of the staff.  The thought of watching my child take their last breath here is unthinkable.  So, tonight I pray for my friend and any others who have had to experience such a thing.  I pray for Ellie, Dave's grandmother, who was given the news tonight that her daughter is gone.  She lives in Florida and is not well enough to travel. 

So, tonight my heart is heavy.  So many things running through my mind, yet I don't really feel like talking about it.  Just writing.  Hoping that I will never have to make that decision for a member of my family.  Hoping that I won't ever have to stand there and watch that again.  Yet at peace with the fact that she is in the arms of Jesus tonight.

Ending with these scriptures while I trust in the Lord.

Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and shield.I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.

Psalm 56:3 But when I am afraid,I will put my trust in you.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;do not depend on your own understanding.




May you hug your loved ones and tell them how much you love them.