A look back

I've written bits and pieces of this post over the past few weeks. I couldn't actually post it at the time because we hadn't shared this with Mackenzie. We hadn't shared this with a lot of people actually. I want to post this now because we have since told Mackenzie and all is well. It's part of our story though.

Written on July 6
Remember back in my post entitled "Worst...Ever" where I said I'm thankful all Mackenzie has is mono? Well, I may have spoken too soon. I won't be able to actually post this entry because Mackenzie doesn't even know about this right now. After I wrote that post Mackenzie started to get better. In fact, so much better that I made an appointment for her to go to the doctor to get permission to return to cheer. The doctor was amazed at how well she was doing. After doing a physical exam she asked Mackenzie to leave the room so we could talk. She showed me a letter that was sent from a pathology report from her tonsils. There are some suspicious cells...Reed-Sternberg Cells. The Dr. had already consulted with an oncologist and while there was not a definitive answer of the report, the oncologist wants some tests run.

They want a full blood work up along with a chest x-ray and an ultrasound done now. The ultrasound is to check her spleen. Her spleen had been enlarged but today she couldn't feel it. She wants to make sure that it really is back to normal before allowing Mackenzie to go back to cheer, especially since she's a flyer. The risk is that her spleen could rupture. The chest x-ray will show enlarged lymph nodes. It all seems so surreal. Instead of walking out with a letter with permission to go back to cheer, we are walking over to the hospital with orders for tests.

At this time we have made the decision to not tell Mackenzie about this. There is no need to worry her unnecessarily. I did cry when the doctor was telling me about this but I feel as though everything is going to be ok. The doctor thinks so as well. If Mackenzie was not doing this great, there may be need for concern but that is not the case. We have reached out to a few friends and family for prayer. We are trying not to worry any of our children about this and so we pray we don't even have to let them know what is going on!

Honestly, there are things that are racing through my mind. I do not want our daughter to go through chemo and all the stuff related to having cancer. While I do trust God no matter what, I do not want to have to even go there. So, I lean on one of my anchor verses: Philippians 4:6-7 ⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And indeed, God has granted me peace.

Written on July 25
It was a busy 3 weeks with different doctor appointments and tests. We new that the test results would be good. The oncologist had said that if the test results came back good there was still a high risk and therefore we would need to bring Mackenzie in for testing every two months. Obviously we would then have to tell her why.

I am happy to say that we will NOT have to bring her in for testing every two months. We ended up having Mackenzie's slides sent down to the Mayo for a second opinion. While there were lots of cells that confirmed she had a very acute case of mono, she does not have any lymphoma! Praise God! The only follow up necessary would be if her lymph nodes were to swell up. After you've had mono, there seems to be a slightly higher risk to develop Hodgkin's Lymphoma. However, we will not live in fear but will proclaim complete healing for Mackenzie!

July 28
Dave and I decided to share the details of this with Mackenzie. We were having a heart-to-heart conversation with her about the Bible, God, what He intends for us, His love, etc. It just felt like the right time. It was an emotional conversation for us as we told her this, but it was also a great one! We talked about the day that Pastor Pat came over and prayed over her. We reminded her about how her rash started disappearing within an hour of that. And how quickly she recovered after that. It was amazing!

Thank you Lord for healing Mackenzie. Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to show her that You have great plans for her and how much You love her! Your goodness is amazing!

Looking back...I remember sitting there in the doctor's office with tears running down my cheeks. I remember the walk to the hospital. I remember trying to figure out how I could sneak in a phone call to Dave without Mackenzie getting suspicious or hearing what I would tell him. I remember trying to smile when inside I just wanted to grab her and hold her and cry. I remember the waiting. I remember the constant prayers. I remember at times wondering "why all of this was happening to us". I remember feeling like I was in a rip tide. It was as though every time I would feel as though progress was being made and I was just about to make it to shore, another wave would come and push me back out to sea. I remember a friend telling me that I didn't need to keep asking and searching for the answers. She told me that sometimes you just need to ask to be rescued. And so I did. I remember surrendering and asking to be rescued. And you know what? He did!

Psalm 13:5-6   But I trust in your unfailing love.
    I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
⁶ I will sing to the Lord
    because he is good to me.