Now what?

Written Thursday, September 27
Now that I am home...what do I do? How do I take what I've experienced and learned and apply it to my everyday life? That is the big question I ask of myself. I wrote "I will never be the same" and that is most definitely true, but what does that mean? How will I live that out? Is it something I just say or is it the truth that I am different? Is it just that I am different on the inside? I hope not. What I hope is that I am noticeably different to those around me.

The past few days have been a blur. I'm dealing with jet lag and trying to catch up with work and trying to get back into a routine with my family. I would love your prayers for this. I am having a hard time making it through the day without being exhausted to the point of losing my voice and probably have the ability to fall asleep standing up! lol! I know it will take a few days (as many as 10 days from what I've been told), but I want it to happen faster. :)

Written Monday, October 1
My mind is a little more clear since I started writing this post. I finally feel like I am back to "normal", whatever normal is. lol! No more waking up at 3:00 or 4:00 a.m. which is a good thing.

And so I am back to the question, "Now what?"

Some things I learned and/or was reminded of:

• I have WAY too many things!
• I take too much for granted!
• I need to simplify.
• I am still too much of a perfectionist.
• Perfection is my enemy.
• Getting rid of perfectionism doesn't mean things can't be done exceptionally.
• I let too many things bother me or prevent me from doing things.
• I still have way too many fears!
• Fear keeps me from doing too many things!
• I need to try more things, including different foods.
• I have a heart for ministering to women.
• Injustice breaks my heart.
• God is faithful.
• God will never call me to something and not equip me.
• God indeed is on the Throne!
• Poverty is not just a state of being, but a state of mind.
• When you are told something and you start believing differently - change happens! (This goes both ways.)
• EVERYONE is infinitely value in God's Kingdom!
• Giving someone money is not always the answer to helping them.
• Transformation happens when a heart-shift happens.
• Miracles still happen!
• Too much stuff keeps me from fully depending on God.

Those are a few things that come to mind. What do I do with all these things? I am STILL processing. I know there is poverty here. My husband ministers to the homeless right here. So, it's not that I don't know about the opportunity. And while I do have a part in Breakthrough Ministries, it's more than that. YES...we should all do our part to help those in need. If you would like to know the "how" to help, go to www.breakthroughmn.org and there are several opportunities to get involved. You could help physically and/or financially. The need is great and we need you!

So...the "now what" for me is beyond helping others. Or maybe it doesn't have to be. Maybe it's just the way I do it that changes. I'm not sure. While I don't spend a lot of time in St. Paul doing the hands on ministry, I do other stuff and try to help more behind the scenes. Maybe I will start spending more time in St. Paul? I want to do and go where the Lord directs me. I want to get out of my comfort zone. Well, I don't really want to leave my comfy comfort zone, but I need to. There are more things that I am being called to. There are different things I am being called to do. While I've picked up the phone and am listening...I haven't responded. It's dead silence.

Time and time again I've specifically asked the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His. And He has indeed done that. Now that He has broken my heart for homeless people here AND in India, what do I do?

If you have experienced something similar, I would love to hear your thoughts. Just leave a comment below.